Last Thursday, Ihop tweeted out what may be the most half-hearted appeal to queer liberation in the history of corporate America. “S/O to everyone who puts the pan in pancakes. Happy Pride!” it read, with the rainbow-flag emoji dutifully appended. While the blue-roofed chain’s messaging was inoffensive to the core, its limp determination to avoid controversy or stir human emotion felt rote – plus Ihop’s very next tweet was an ode to its new “Extra Normal Meal” specifically aimed at people who want to feel more ordinary. International House of Xtravaganza, it ain’t. Pride month is a season of extra-cringe pandering, when algorithms and advertising pitch decks unveil rainbow versions of everything from Nike swooshes to Listerine, Whopper wrappers to Lil Nas X M&Ms –– or, in Skittles’ case, a bag of bleached and vaguely pharmaceutical candies because Mars deems the month suitable for tasting one and only one rainbow. Offer some to your straight friends before they go extinct.